Canada Moms Blog

Falling upon the sexiness of frigid Canada

A sudden blizzard had turned our bare roads and blessed browny-green grass into 4 inches of fluff and it was still coming down hard.  In a rush to get to the post office, I drove with a small mountain of snow on the hood of my Standard Mom Vehicle to the full-serve Co-op gas station where the nice ladies, somewhat bewildered at my snow-besotted state, voluntarily swept me clean.  I sat upon my heated seat, giving them a thumbs up and a smile. 

I was happy, despite this attack upon my September soul because a package was wedged in the passenger seat beside me, a package assembled with love and destined for Spain, and I thought about how my expat Spanish friend has probably never had the pleasure of driving in a Canadian blizzard.  Sure, she's visited castles and ancient Roman ruins.  So the Spanish beaches are only an hour's drive away and on a whim she can decide to spend part of her day snapping photos of terribly old Gothic cathedrals.  But has she had to stop her van every ten minutes to manually brush the snow from her side windows so she can back up safely?   Has she experienced the rush of adrenaline that comes from not knowing whether the van will stop in time to not hit that oncoming car that has the right of way, as the van struggles to brake on the packed snow, despite its slow pace well in advance of the stop sign ahead?

Gardisil pointless and dangerous? Merck researcher shares shocking info.

The Population Research Institute* is reporting on some shocking statements made by Dr. Diane Harper,  the leading international developer of the HPV vaccine, at the 4th Annual Public Conference on Vaccination on Gardisil the vaccine touted to prevent cervical cancer from HPV infections.

Here are some statistics that this Merck representative reportedly shared at this conference, taken directly from the Population Research Institute's article:

• 70% of HPV infections resolve themselves without treatment in one year.
• After two years, this rate climbs to 90%.
• Of the remaining 10% of HPV infections, only half coincide with the development of cervical cancer.
• 4 out of 5 women with cervical cancer are in developing countries (i.e. not the United States or Canada)
• 8 in 100,000 women will get cervical cancer.
• 1.3-3.7 will die from it.
• The cancer rate has been declining by 4% every year, since between 1955 to 1992 when the rate declined 74%, without any influence from a vaccine. [Link to American Cancer Society]
• There will be no decrease in cervical cancer until 70% of the population is vaccinated.
• The highest amount of decrease in cervical cancer will not be seen for 60 years.
• After 60 years, the highest predicted decrease will be 70%.
• No efficacy trials have been done on girls under 15.
• Merck did study a group of girls under 16 who had been vaccinated, but did not follow them long enough to conclude sufficient presence of effective HPV antibodies.
• If a child is vaccinated, she will not keep immunity until puberty and will need boosters.
• 15,037 girls have officially reported adverse side effects from Gardasil to the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS).
• Adverse effects include Guilliane Barre, lupus, seizures, paralysis, blood clots, brain inflammation and many others.
• The CDC acknowledges that there have been 44 reported deaths.
• Dr. Harper  told ABC News that "The rate of serious adverse events is greater than the incidence rate of cervical cancer."

No One Said Kindergarten Would Be Easy

My baby has been in Kindergarten a grand total of fourteen days and we've already settled into a routine.  The routine involves the normal things you might expect, breakfast, getting dressed, brushing teeth and packing a snack before he happily goes off to school.  It also involves me wondering what the day will bring.  Will today be the day?

He is my second son and is very unlike his brother in numerous ways.  On the other hand they have both inherited from me, some of the very traits I would have banned from being passed on, if, you know, God had asked me.  He didn't.  As such, they both have inherited my shyness.  It is beyond difficult to watch them struggle with the very same things I struggled with.  Partly because I understand but partly because I have come out the other side.  If only I could impart the knowledge that I have to them without the painful lessons I had to endure (mostly out of my own stubbornness).

I really don't want to die on the toilet

I peruse the headlines on CBC.ca, looking for stories that spark a reaction within me so I have something to write for Canada Moms Blog. And usually my thought is, "Man, Canada is so freakin' boring."

This morning my thought was, "How would I want to die?"

There are stories right now about murder, murder-suicide, car accidents, ATV accident, a beheading, and I realized... I'm not putting these on my Favourite Ways to Die list.  Does no one die from a nice restful sleep anymore?

Just in case God is taking notes... just in case he says to people who complain about the way they died, "Well, you didn't put in a special order. How was I to know you didn't want to die on the toilet?" (well, God would never say that because he's omniscient)... just in case, here is how I don't want to die and then how I wouldn't mind dying if I had to die, like if I did not live to see the Second Coming and then get transfigured in the twinkling of an eye or something.

How I don't particularly want to die:

• tied to a stake and then lit on fire
• drowning anywhere but particularly in the bathtub
• suffocating, including being buried alive
• being strangled
• dehydrating, especially in the middle of the desert
• starving, particularly in a concentration camp
• in a plane crash-- I don't need the suspense
• ghost or demon killing
• food poisoning (ouch)
• cancer (double ouch)
• being slowly dismembered
• a parasite eating me from the inside out
• flesh-eating disease
• lightening strike or any electrocution
• skydiving (would look so careless)
• on the toilet

I'm sure there are more ways in which I don't want to die but those are the major ones.

Summer: The Dope-Smoking, Half-Naked, Laze-About

Let's pretend that my disdain for summer has nothing to do with traumatic childhood memories; children home all day, unstructured; the dog shedding a smaller dog; and swim suits.

Let's just talk about the weather:  It's hot. I don't like to be hot. Why do people like to be hot? There's a reason why our core body temperatures are not a default 42ºC. I'm not a doctor or anything but I think it has something to do with... organ failure?

I shouldn't be whining because this has been the coolest July I can remember in 29 years. But today was a bit too warm. It was threatening to become hot and I just won't stand for that kind of behaviour. If you want me to be productive with cooking and smiling and moving my person through space, I need a cool breeze on a warm day. Today wasn't that. 

Every day I tentatively fall out of bed, looking over my shoulder, wondering if it's going to get hot and muggy.  The plan is to become as immobile and depressed as possible, should Mr. Hot and Muggy drop by. Mr. Hot and Muggy should not be confused with Mr. Hawt and Huggy. Mr. H&M is all sweaty and slimy, and he spends all day in his parents' basement smoking dope, because school is out.

Why We Really Should Be Upset with Iris Evans

It's already old news, the uproar over Alberta's Minister of Finance and Enterprise Iris Evans' comments last week about how she believes it is best for a parent to stay home to raise the kids. I don't know what the rest of the country is upset about at this moment, but here in Edmonton, we've moved on to fume over  MLA Doug Elniski's comments about women's equality and what men find attractive.Oh, it never gets boring in oil country let me tell you. 

What Iris Evans said is something we've all heard hundreds of times. Even my own mother who was the primary breadwinner in our family for many years has said similar things to me. I can understand why people were upset with Iris Evans. As Haley-O already explored, we're all pretty sick of being pitted against each other. Being a parent is hard enough. But this isn't why we should be upset with Iris Evans.

Fighting the disease of entitlement-- just let me keep my iMac

Most children struggle with learning gratitude and applying it to their lives but one of my children struggles more than most. She's working on it, though. She's recently started prefacing her admissions of coveting with such reassurances as, "I'm not asking for this, Mom...." or "I know we can't go there but I'm just saying...." Although, this might just be a sophisticated effort at manipulation. Reverse psychology and all that. Hmmm....

Kidding aside, I'm actually very concerned about the entitlement that kids and teens everyone seems to have "these days". I don't believe this is a new phenomenon but I do think that it's become worse with a greater emphasis on design and material gain on television shows (like Oprah, Martha, and Extreme Home Makeover), and with more such magazines in print than ever before in history.

No cat-dogs, no green toilet flower arrangements, and no celebrities on Twitter.

You know how Quebec reserves the right to stop you from naming your kid something really stupid/cruel, like Lucifer, Spatula, or a French word that means "whore"?

Well, recently Gwyneth Paltrow, getting into the spirit of dictatorship, is considering a rule that all members of her $4500-sign-up-fee gym need to adhere to a dress code so that her gym will be a pleasurable visual experience as well as a pleasurable(?) physical experience. [Source was offline, couldn't find online source.]

Personally, I think this makes perfect sense.

While American Libertarians would choke to death on indignation over this, I believe in even greater suppression of free will for the betterment of... well, my life. Why stop at baby names?  A name is relatively harmless, proved by Stephen Dubner and Steven Levitt in Freakonomics. Also, it certainly doesn't affect me much if your name is Spatula. Why stop at dress codes? Dress codes should be the starting point.

What bugs me are people who gesture for me to turn left at a four-way stop, when they are making the same turn, only as a right-hand turn. I want to scream out, "Guess what? We'll both start going at the same time and you'll STILL beat me around the corner and then NEITHER of us has to wait or play the go-no-you-go-no-YOU-go game."  I believe there should be a $1000 fine for this.  POLITENESS CAN GO TOO FAR. 

Mr. Frankl brings enlightenment to April winter

A beautiful, sunny Easter weekend became a winter hellscape yesterday morning.  I wasn't surprised. My birthday is Sunday, April 19, and in 28 years past I can only remember one or two birthdays that weren't winterized.  My lack of surprise does not intone approval or acceptance, however.  Like any Canadian who illogically hopes for Florida weather while living on the edge of the frozen tundra-- like any Canadian who experiences each Spring like a revelation that stirs her soul to repentance and Oprah-like edification--  my 6:30 a.m. response was, "Find someone who has a whole bottle of sleeping pills I can borrow, quick. Or a gun. A gun would be faster." I didn't say it, but I thought it.

To experience inches of snow after days of 20 degree weather is to re-experience the horror of getting your first period ten days after your tenth birthday. It's waiting all week to watch some brain-deadening, soap opera-ish Grey's Anatomy on Thursday night only to be smacked in the face with a re-run. 

We act all heroic when we don't shut down the town on a regional day of mourning such as this but it can't be safe; suicidal thoughts are the only normal reaction when Hope rests indefinitely in a coma and I don't feel comfortable having my children transported to school by a bus driver who's identifying with Sylvia Plath.

16-year-old abducted from driveway: What do parents do now?

My mother-in-law phoned on Saturday to see how we were doing after a very bad February.  After getting through the preliminaries and family news, the conversation turned to local news.

"Did you hear about the 16-year-old girl who went missing from here?"

"From Penhold?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes," she replied with quiet horror. "She left home at about 9:45 to go to the gas station for some snacks and her vehicle was found back at home in the driveway. The lights were still on and the door was open and her stuff was still there but she had disappeared."

"NO WAY.  She was abducted right from her driveway?!"

As soon as I got off the phone I told my husband everything.  He was just a little bit less reactionary being affronted with gory stories everyday as a part of his job as a crown prosecutor in an Alberta city. Because of this, and because of sex abuse in my history and that of many family members and friends, we are both very concerned about the safety of our children:  every door and window on our home and garage is monitored by a security company;  our children will never be allowed on sleep-overs; our children are never allowed to go to the playground without adult accompaniment;  we don't let our kids have play dates at homes of people we don't know (which often upsets our 5-year-old who's always making new friends); and we lobby for greater security at our children's school.