What's "fair" and what's "best"?

I have to admit that when I first read this article about Halle Berry and family skipping past the long lines at the Montreal airport I just may have uttered : "That is not right."

Now, Some caveats:

I am not famous. I will not become famous unless the world of Early Childhood Researcher and social smart aleck becomes somehow sexy and profitable. Barring that, I remain an everyday citizen. 

I am deeply intimate with border security and the lines in customs between Canada and the United States. As a US Citizen here in Montreal on her second Student Visa (Year 4, WHOO HOO), I can tell you stories of our waits to get into Vermont, or New York, or Back into Canada following even day trips to have lunch with family or friends of the other side of the border. It is undoubtedly a pain in the patootie. Furthermore, I am also familiar with the border guards of both countries lack of humor about the often thankless job they are being asked to perform. (Note to all of you. The answer "A Hangover" is NOT a funny response to the border guard when asked what you are bringing back into the country. BELIEVE me. It will go nothing like the little funny joke you had in your head.)

I am a Mom. I also know what it is  like to sit in lines with child. Fussy Child. Hungry Child. Bored Child. Child who needs a Diaper change or Bathroom. With all the Stuff that the child needs. That YOU have to carry in addition to whatever actual human adult items you have thoughtlessly decided were important. Those were the moments when I used to joke if the airlines ( or Disney World) would just serve complimentary mixed drinks to the parents in line things might be a whole lot better.

Finally, I am an Educator. I have been told a multitude of things were unfair over the course of my career. From a change in assignment on a University Syllabus to the whether or not a certain Four year old Boy had finished his turn at the water table, I have debated the finer points of the concept of "Fairness" for the past 20 something years.

Back to Halle et al. Was I vaguely annoyed? Sure. Do I believe that people who are famous by virtue of their profession deserve special treatment? No.

Then I started to think about it. Would I want Halle Berry and her family standing next to me in line? Not really. Not because I dislike Ms Berry, her child or partner. Oddly, I think we probably have a great deal in common in terms of background outside of her profession. Its just that I couldn't deal with other peoples reactions TO Halle Berry and her family.

Lets be honest, even in fairly immune to the charms of the American celebrity world of Montreal, there would have been a ruckus. People would have been coming up to her, asking for autographs and photos. Regardless of if she complied or refused, there would have been scenes.

As a pretend Mom standing in line NEXT to Halle Berry, I would be annoyed. My Mom instinct to keep my child protected from strangers is already on high alert in airports and a crowd of strangers would Not help that instinct.  I would be annoyed with the other people asking for autographs and pictures. Annoyed with Halle Berry, her daughter and partner - for no other reason that they are famous and making my child and myself uncomfortable with the attention being paid to them.

Now, If I were Halle Berry, my first job is to my daughter. I need to keep her safe and calm. Throngs of strangers milling around me would not make me feel safe OR calm. It is a no win situation. I sign autographs or take pictures and More people come. I don't and more people come and start yelling at me for not doing what they ask. My daughter starts to do what normal Toddlers do, which is to have an unholy meltdown in front of the world. Which is now a billion times worse because 500 people are watching it happen and judging me.

So what do you do? What's Best for all involved? Is it the same as what's Fair?

As I used to say to a particular group of four year old boys who loved to argue every fine point of fairness with me, "Is it Fair because you are getting what you want? Is it Unfair because you don't like my answer? Is Fair to you the same as Fair to your friends?"

Fair does not always mean equal. Indeed, what is Best for all involved may not be fair at all. Taking a wider view was something I pushed my four year old students to take, as it formed the basis of a social understanding and empathy which had less to do with getting what YOU wanted and making sure all people got what they needed.

I challenge you all to take a step back next time you call "Unfair" in your mind and really think. Is it Unfair? Really?

This is an original Canada Moms Blog Post. Writing at her personal Blog, I am doing the Best I can, Dawn continues to battle the demonic 5th grade teacher of her daughter. In addtion, she herds the cats at True Wife Confessions. You can see photos of her everyday life at Envisage 365, a unique photo project with women around the world.