Jury of Peers
I admit, I am a fearsome mother for a teacher to face.
As a Mama Bear alone, I am terrifying.
As an Educator myself, with a Bachelors in Elementary Education and a Masters Degree in Child Development (and ever so slowly marching towards my PhD) I am a tsunami of research and knowledge and questions and answers. I AM that frighteningly intelligent college professor they had, the one who was always expecting MORE from them. The one who would send back papers with copious comments and exhort them to THINK, not just write down what they have read.
For those of you who may know me from my home Blog, I am Doing the Best I Can, you may know that I have been engaged in not-so-subtle guerrilla warfare with my daughters teacher. It has been rugged. And I have gotten Mean. Intentionally devastatingly mean. So mean that if I were in this teachers shoes, I would either write me off as a Loon, or be having panic attacks about having to face me.
Of course, like your typical crazy mother, I write letters. However, I write letters filled with educational theory and rationale. I write letters in which your personal and professional competence are seriously being Called OUT by someone with more than a passing knowledge of your profession. When the teacher in question does respond, she passive aggressively writes "cc: Cycle Three Teachers" on her response. Not to be outdone, I amp it up by providing a copy of my response to her response ( copied and included as an attachment for easy reference) in personalized addressed envelopes of each of the teachers in question.
See? I told you I could be mean.
Which brings me to tomorrow. Our meeting. Tuesday Morning at 8:30 a.m. with the Teacher, and Principal, The Special Ed. Person, my husband and myself. Frankly, I am dreading this.
What this teacher doesn't know is that I sat with a group of teachers last Thursday. A group of teachers whom I respect highly as skilled educators. They are the group of teachers that form the core of the project of which I am the lead Research Assistant, so I have watched them for two and a half years now. I have recorded them teaching. I have watched them in meetings. I have analyzed their teaching styles and skills as part of the larger project. I deeply respect them.
At our gathering to map out the outlines of the book we are all collaboratively writing, I told them my story.
And met the wall of silence of my peers.
"Oh, you're THAT mother", one of them teased.
But....But...But....No. I tried, I explained. I tried from Day One. I tried to meet her several times before and after school, to say "Hello, I am Emily's Mom"...and I wrote notes that were ignored...and more notes in agendas....But she won't respond. By the time she was forced to be available to us in November at the terrible Parent Teacher Conference night, I had been pursuing this woman for three months! And, she - well, she started the conference with the statement "Emily has multiple Issues"....and proceeded to tell us of the things we Knew, since they had already been written in her IEP! Who does that? Who starts out a meeting like that- What kind of teacher?
Silence from my peers.
"What is really bothering you?", one of the teachers adeptly asked.
"She's not acknowledging me. I am trying to build my home school connection bridge and she is refusing to Help. I am doing everything I know how to do and she ignores me. It's driving me crazy." I trail off into silence, looking down at my lap.
I am chastened in the face of these teachers. I am knowing that I have behaved badly, they have told me so with very few words. My self righteousness feels puffed up and false. My actions are reverberating into my daughters experience of education, making her less comfortable in her classroom and not well liked by her teacher. The wreaking ball disguised as my advocacy has been laid bare.
Tomorrow, I must apologize to this woman and attempt again. As much as it kills me to make concessions, this is not my battle to win. And so, I loosen my grip a little more from the baby I remember holding to stand next to the young woman next to me.
This is an original Canada Mom Blogs Post
Dawn pontificates at her home blog, I am Doing the Best I Can while herding the cats at True Wife Confessions She also is about to finish her comps (for real this time, I promise) in the Education Department at McGill University, where she has been in the PhD program since 2006.
