Lies I Have Told on Behalf of Elf on the Shelf

Cross-posted from our sister site, Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

He's upside down, our Elf on the Shelf. His legs jut up into the air, his head buried deep in a pile of folders, hands clasped behind his back. He looks as if he's been pushed off the edge of a cliff, bound and blindfolded. He was pushed alright, but according to our made-up-on-the-fly rules, there was no direct contact, so the push was legal (as was made up by me) and our Elf did not lose his magic. I'm too tired to turn him upright, I'm ready for him to return home. A few more hours, and he'll be back at the North Pole for another year. I'm tired of our Elf, tired of the lies.

Grandma was over last night. She spotted our Elf in a bucket of plastic dinosaurs and she...she...touched him! The kids stopped in their tracks, breathing deeply and staring at grandma.

"Grandma, you touched Elf on the Shelf, " the boys whispered, staring in disbelief. (We did not give him a name, as we were instructed to so he is not Tony or Elfie, he is Elf on the Shelf.)

Grandma stared back, not quite comprehending.

"Yes, Grandma, the Elf loses his magic if we should touch him, " I explained, smiling through clenched teeth.

Grandma squirmed and denied it, "No, I um...I touched the dino---"

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