No Gifts, Please

My younger daughter’s second birthday is in a couple of weeks, and rightly so, I am feeling a little, well, verklempt. Okay, I can be downright weepy about it, but that’s not what this post is about. (Fine, a little melancholic flair may be added, but that’s it.) No, this post is about how much I love my child, and why, because of that love, I’ve asked everybody attending her birthday party not to bring her a gift.

You’re probably thinking that I asked everybody attending her birthday party not to bring her a gift because the last thing we need is more plastic and battery-operated crap lying on the playroom floor. Well, yes, you’re right, we don’t need more of that, but no, that’s not why. And also, I must point out, our friends and family are generally incredibly thoughtful of both our values and the environment when picking out gifts for our girls, so the plastic, battery-operated crap is actually, at our house, at a minimum.

So… I must just be a total ogre, determined to keep (material) happiness out of my child’s grubby little hands, right? Nope, that’s not it either. I’m not trying to neglect, punish or otherwise ill-treat my child. But I am trying to teach her – both my kids – a gentle, wonderful lesson.

You see, Cassidy’s birthday is on November 22 (holy crap, that kid was late), a mere 3 weeks from Hanukkah (which we celebrate) and just shy of 4 weeks from Christmas (which we also celebrate). So there will be no shortage of gifts in this child’s future.

Which only – glaringly, heartbreakingly – reminds me of the shortage of gifts that will, in fact, be in so, so many children’s future.

If you have been reading closely, you’ll notice that I said that I have asked people not to bring a gift for the birthday girl. And that’s totally true. But I have still asked them to bring a gift.

An unwrapped one, and it won’t be going to my daughter, but it will be going to someone else’s. In the GTA alone, organizations like The Star Santa Claus Fund will be delivering gifts to over 45,000 children this holiday season. That’s 45,000 children whose faces will now light up, like my own children’s will, as they unwrap a toy on Christmas morning.

Last year, Cassidy’s birthday toy drive filled two big bins – about 25 wonderful gifts. (We also ask for non-perishable food donations and were able to donate over 100 lbs to our local food banklast year!) Not one of these was for my daughter, but both of my girls delighted in sorting through the toys, packing them into bags and boxes and placing them under the huge tree at our local collection site. Neither one of them asked to keep any of the gifts, and my older daughter, who was three at the time, made up lovely stories about the children she doesn’t know and how happy they will be to receive the toys that we are giving away. (This is where I get verklempt, by the way.)

The truth is, my daughter is turning two. She has little understanding of material ownership beyond the feelings of injustice she exhibits when her older sister tries to take something away from her. She will no doubt be just as happy and excited with the one gift we will buy her on behalf of the group as she would be with each or every one of the gifts we will be giving away. Hell, the old measuring cup of mine that I turned into a new toy by plopping it into their bath last week excited her.

The point is, while she may not understand the good deed she is doing right now, she soon will. And I think that in the future, she’ll be happy and proud to be able to equate her birthday with both the getting and the giving.

This is an original post for Canada Moms Blog. Karen also writes at The Kids Are Alright.