I really don't want to die on the toilet

I peruse the headlines on CBC.ca, looking for stories that spark a reaction within me so I have something to write for Canada Moms Blog. And usually my thought is, "Man, Canada is so freakin' boring."

This morning my thought was, "How would I want to die?"

There are stories right now about murder, murder-suicide, car accidents, ATV accident, a beheading, and I realized... I'm not putting these on my Favourite Ways to Die list.  Does no one die from a nice restful sleep anymore?

Just in case God is taking notes... just in case he says to people who complain about the way they died, "Well, you didn't put in a special order. How was I to know you didn't want to die on the toilet?" (well, God would never say that because he's omniscient)... just in case, here is how I don't want to die and then how I wouldn't mind dying if I had to die, like if I did not live to see the Second Coming and then get transfigured in the twinkling of an eye or something.

How I don't particularly want to die:

• tied to a stake and then lit on fire
• drowning anywhere but particularly in the bathtub
• suffocating, including being buried alive
• being strangled
• dehydrating, especially in the middle of the desert
• starving, particularly in a concentration camp
• in a plane crash-- I don't need the suspense
• ghost or demon killing
• food poisoning (ouch)
• cancer (double ouch)
• being slowly dismembered
• a parasite eating me from the inside out
• flesh-eating disease
• lightening strike or any electrocution
• skydiving (would look so careless)
• on the toilet

I'm sure there are more ways in which I don't want to die but those are the major ones.

How I wouldn't mind dying if I don't get turned into an angel first:

• brain aneurysm-- I hear they're quick
• sudden heart attack, not a drawn out slowing of my heart (happened to me once before and was terrifying)
• a quick car accident while I'm sleeping
• in my sleep like Rose from Titanic
• too much pleasure

It's a short list. Notice I didn't say anything about doing something heroic. Didn't even occur to me until just now when I asked my husband how he'd want to die. "Doing something heroic." What a guy answer. My main criteria for weeding out death options are pain and fear.

I've also given some thought to my funeral. What would I want them to sing and who would speak? Well, I think I should get to speak. It's my funeral. I know me better than any of you do. I thought I could make a funny video and say things like, "Wow, it's hot in here! Oh the brimstone!"  I already made a list for my husband of things he needs to know in case I'm dead. So, maybe my video would be on that vein. Maybe I'd relive funny stories for everyone. "Remember that time I thought I loved you but then I broke up with you? That was funny." In case my old boyfriend shows up.

I'm not sure about the details. I'm still working them out.

This is an original Canada Moms Blog post. Natasha also blogs at Becoming Something and can be found on Twitter.