Secret Stealthy Parentspeak

We were so thrilled when our son Lam -- at the tender age of 2 -- started reading.  His dad taught him the word "up".  And it wasn't long before he started picking up words by himself -- with the help of his favourite wooden alphabet blocks, educational internet games, and TV shows like Between The Lions.  We were there to read to him, to give him support, and to answer questions, but for the most part, he was expanding his vocabulary all on his own.

This meant that we didn't have to worry that Lam would struggle with reading when he started school.  Yay!

But it also meant that we didn't know which words he knew.  We learned this lesson when my husband said, "He needs a b-a-t-h", and Lam suddenly-wary said, "Bath?"

Oh, great!  We can't spell in front of our 2-year-old son!  How in the world will we talk about birthday presents? Christmas presents? Other equally trivial things, even kinky things, only for Mommy and Daddy?

We considered doing what our parents did.  As a child, I knew my parents were sharing secrets when they would shift to speaking in Bicol, the dialect of my mother's province in the Philippines.  My husband's parents used to just leave the room or send their kids out when their topic of conversation was not for little ears.

Sadly, hubby and I are usually too lazy to leave the room (unless it was something really important), and the kids get all "why?" when we suggest they give us 5 minutes alone.  Speaking in Tagalog wouldn't work because hubby knows it less than the kids do.  Oh, and I completely suck at Pig Latin.

Over the 5 years since that fateful "b-a-t-h" day, we've had to become more stealthy and creative with our secret codes.  Take last week, when my husband and I were trying to make surprise plans for our kids' favourite night out.  Without the kids about, we would've said...

Me: "Let's go to the mall for dinner."

Him:  "Okay, but the kids should have chicken instead of fries."

But since they were right there, we said...

Me: "I'd like to go elsewhere for sustenance."

Him: "Okay, but they should consume those winged creatures descended from dinosaurs."

Me: "What?!"

Him:  "You know, small avian animals."

Me: "Oh, okay.  Instead of?"

Him: "Those underground, starchy, brown things."

Me: "Sounds good to me.  I know where we can all get what we want."

Him: "Where?"

Me: "That big place of commerce."

Him: "Where the rats* hang out?"  (* as in mallrats)

Me:  "That's the one."

Him: "Okay, let's go."

I know, crazy, eh? 

What do you do when you need to share relatively-unimportant secrets the kids don't need to know?  Do you have your own special secret code?  Is it better than ours?

This is an original Canada Moms Blog post by NenetteAM who also writes about her favourite things at Life Candy, tweets at @NenetteAM, and loves to eat tom yum soup from her favourite thai restaurant at the mall.