Wanting him around, for more than diapers

When my first son was born, my boyfriend took 8 weeks off of work. Not because I thought I would need so much help. But because we, as a couple, as a new family, wanted to live this together. I wanted him to be there for the first weeks of our son's life. I wanted him to take part of the beginnings our our new life as a family. I wanted him to be there with me when our son first smiled, laughed or held his head.

But still, I also wanted him to be able to help. It's nice not to be the only one going up during the night, changing diapers, singing lullabies. It's also nice not to be the only sleep deprived adult in the house. You feel a little less alone (and ridiculous)when you find yourself rummaging through the laundry basket, looking frantically for the baby, in the middle of the night.

All in all, we had a lot of fun. We really enjoyed these few weeks, living in our little cocoon, with our baby, not seeing a lot of people and loving it. We discovered what kind of family we were, we learned to take care of a baby, we spent all this time together. I so did not want him to go back to work! But of course he did. And of course I survived.

When my second son was born, my boyfriend took 3 weeks off of work. He took less only because his job had changed and he just couldn't be away for too long. But still, 3 weeks, that was more than welcome, even more so now that there was also a toddler in the picture.

We always enjoyed our time together as a family. We have the chance to have a great parental program in Québec and we would be stupid not to take advantage of it. It's there, so why not use it? Of course I would have been able to take care of the baby by myself, as so many women have done before me. Of course my son would still have had a good relationship with his father, even if he didn't take 2 months off of work. Of course it wasn't a question of life and death.

I just hate when people say to me "he took 2 months off? What did he do while you were taking care of the baby? Watching movies? Playing Guitar Hero?" As if I HAD to do everything, unless I am not a real mom. As if because I asked for help, I was not as good a mother as they were. It annoys me to no end having to justify wanting to spend time as a family.

Why can't a mother simply want to be with the father of he baby for a few weeks? Why do so many people see it as a sign of weakness to want to have your spouse around? Why do people find it so hard to understand that taking advantage of a program made for the young families like us do not make us weaker, but stronger as a family?

Is it that unusual that a father would rather spend time with his newborn than at work, behind a desk? Of course, between changing diapers at 3 am and playing Guitar Hero, I don't even have to say what my man would choose. But that's a whole other story.

This is an original Canada Moms Blog post. Kiwi also blogs at Les Pépins de Kiwi.