Being a Single Mom in a Sea of Married Moms

My husband and I separated in September of 2007, from August 2008-March 2009 we attempted a reconciliation.

The kids and I moved back in with him and we gave it our best shot. We went to counseling, we went on romantic getaways, we spent hundreds of our talking, but in March he called it quits. The kids and i moved back out and resumed our previous custody arrangement - dad on the weekend, mom during the week.

I am the primary school time caregiver. Parents have been confused by the ups and downs of our relationship and have largely backed away. The pick-up area at the school is always crowded with moms and toddlers. I have a new habit of checking out ring fingers, wondering how many single mothers are out there. Sadly for me, and lucky for those children, there are not very many. The women who know about my marital status have placed me at an arm's reach. Not comfortable with me, not at all. It has left me scratching my head. I make assumptions to justify this odd behaviour. I try to remember how i treated single people back when i belonged to the married tribe. I don't remember thinking anything odd or unusual about it. I toss it around in my head and write about it on my personal blog and on twitter.

On the other hand my childrens friends have been completely unfazed by the whole thing. It is just a change, not bad, not good - just a change. I have learned from my childrens friends that many of them come from mixed families, divorced families, single parent families. Their parents just don't talk about it. The kids talk easily about dad's house and mom's house. They complain about the hassles of going back and forth and the fun of having two bedrooms and two sets of toys. They find camraderie in their status as children of divorce.

I am wondering why it so easy for the kids to accept, embrace and support each other during these times of family stress and so difficult for us, the grown-ups to do the same.

This is an original post for Canada Moms Blog. Jess can be found at her personal site drowning in kids.