A fear of summer

There. I'm admitting it - I'm afraid of the coming summer.

Okay, that's actually over-simplifying it. I'm not literally AFRAID of the summer. I do tend to moan and groan a lot by mid-July until somewhere in September over how disgustingly humid it is. Many people presume that Montreal is just a frozen city trapped inside a snow globe, but we're not that far north - and in the summer we're generally anything but cold. I like warm weather, I even like hot weather, but once you throw in the humidex it's game over for me and I tend to whine.

But no, I'm not afraid of that part of the season even if I'm not looking forward to feeling like I'm walking around in a hot, wet blanket.

I am afraid of the balance of school being out and having two kids - and a ton of jobs.

The upside, the BIG upside of my working life is that I do it from home. I'm a freelance writer and blogger and I get paid to sit at my desk (or on the couch with the TV on, laptop balanced upon my, well, lap) and type away at people. Sometimes I still can't believe that I write a lot of words, throw in some appropriate photos, and then someone else gives me money for it. It's a bit surreal (now I just need that BOOK DEAL!).

I am grateful for the work that I do and other than the occasional day here and there when I'm tired and don't feel like doing it (which is pretty much standard for any job anywhere) I really love it. I wouldn't trade it too quickly for something else.

However, it does seem to require a certain level of balance that I apparently have yet to figure out. If I work and work and work to meet all my quotas I feel productive and free up my evenings, but then I'm not spending enough time with my kids. And don't get me started on the neglected laundry, the dishes, the housework, blablabla. On the other hand, if I blow off work during the daylight hours I get to be Super Mom (and maybe even get TWO loads of laundry done instead of just one load that ends up sitting in the dryer for days), but then I get the kids to bed and I have to try to produce decent writing in the evening at a time when I'm often feeling a bit brain-fried and don't have much creativity left in me.

As a result, I end up flitting around a lot and I guess that's the best thing in the end because then I'm getting some work done, some play time at the park in, and I wash the dishes before I get another couple of posts fleshed out for one of my work blogs. It's not the end of the world but it does leave me feeling like I'm desperately trying to juggle, except instead of juggling balls I'm juggling, I don't know, stuff that on fire.

I guess it's just that I feel like I'm not doing any of those things properly. I know that I am because my work gets done (and I still get paid instead of getting the virtual pink slip saying, "uh your writing sucks lately"), my kids are having fun and seem to be happy, and although no one would ever call my home orderly it hasn't been condemned by the board of health, so there's that. But I just feel so scattered like I'm running to do this and running to do that and never quite keeping up.

Some people want to keep up with the Jonses (or the Kardashians, whatever), but sometimes I just want to keep up with MYSELF.

So this is why the summer scares me. Because days of sunshine and parks and pools and FUN lie ahead and I don't want to miss it, or worse, have my kids miss it. Yet this summer I have more work than ever before and I can't let it slide. I'm not sure how to balance the summer with the fact that I'll have two kids at home all day, kids who need to get out there and have a good time - and let's be clear, I need it too. Maybe I'll just have to get into a habit of having an extra cup of coffee after supper to give me an energy boost to keep me functional and working after the kids go to bed.

How do you balance summer with your usual duties?

Original Canada Moms Blog post. Sherry is also known to talk your head off over at her blog, .Chaos Theory .