A Change Is Gonna Come

I’m restless.

I don’t know exactly why, but I am craving a change – something big, something exciting; something to look forward to. Maybe it’s because I am secretly dissatisfied with certain aspects of my life, but I think that, more likely, I have been used to a shake-up every few years and that point is shaking its way around the corner quickly.

If I look back, the evolution of my expectation is clear – 10 years ago, Chris and I hooked up. 9 years ago, I started the job I still have. 7 years ago, we got married. 5 years ago, we bought our house. 4 years ago, we had our first kid. Almost 2 years ago, we had another kid. It’s time. I’m due. But for what, exactly? And why can’t I just be happy with coasting along, all the pieces in place, enjoying what we’ve worked so hard for this past decade?

 Maybe I’m restless because I know a change is not coming – we’re not having another baby. We’re not buying a new house. I’m not looking to change jobs, and I’m pretty sure Chris would be upset if I hooked up with somebody new. Unless maybe that somebody was Gwen Stefani.

This is a dangerous place for me to be. My wanderlust forces me to spend ridiculous amounts of time on MLS, searching for houses we’re not going to buy in towns we’re not going to live, daydreaming about quitting my job and moving to the country where I spend my days chasing my kids around our huge garden and making jam. Or I look at the new moms pushing strollers down the street and my body aches with yearning to create and carry another child, to be on maternity leave in the summer (the way I was last year), spending our days outside and with friends, feeling guilty and sad that that’s not how my life is right now. I cruise the Humane Society website looking for a dog that honestly, I would never want to walk.

And it’s not like my life sucks right now, or even that it’s been boring – it’s doesn't, and it hasn’t been. We’ve had some nice surprises and made some fun plans, but the big changes we’ve encountered in the past year and a half have not necessarily been great – more endured than enjoyed. I’m looking for something that I can dig my teeth into; concentrate on and get that rush from when all of the pieces finally fit together. I need an adventure.

So, any suggestions? Because if I don’t figure something out soon, Chris is going to come home one day and find me decoupaging the bedroom walls or opening Toronto’s first bottle-your-own jam store. I need help. And hey, Gwen, if you’re reading this – call me.

This is an original Canada Moms Blog post. Karen also blogs at The Kids Are Alright.