Streetproofing Your Kids in 2009

Victoria (Tori) Stafford was willingly led away from her school on April 8th, and only yesterday, 43 long days later, did we learn that she was killed.  Throughout this entire ordeal, many of have thought, "what if this was my child?"  Perhaps this has raised discussion in your household, as it has ours.

The two people behind her disappearance and subsequent murder are 28 year old Michael Thomas C.S. Rafferty and 18 year old Terri-Lynne McClintic.  A man and a teenager.  Does that grab you as it does me?

My kids are in the same school district as Victoria Stafford was.  Many moms I know are devastated by this entire situation, as am I.  We talk about the fact that Tori looked completely comfortable walking away from her school with McClintic on the surveillance tape.  We hope and pray our children would not be duped simply because a teenager is so much like a kid, in the eyes of a child.

We can't wrap them in bubble wrap.  They need to walk to school, to the bus stop, play outside.  We can't lock them up inside with us.  It isn't healthy.  Besides, kidnapping by strangers is very rare, accounting for less than 1% of missing children cases, according to the RCMP.  Better safe than sorry though.

So what can we do to streetproof our kids?

With young kids, the rule is simple: never leave them alone in a public place, not even for a minute.  Don't assume someone else is looking after your child.

Kids as young as 3-4 can learn their phone number, cell phone numbers, street address and their own last name.  Make these things into a song to a familiar tune to help them remember, and talk about it often.  Repetition is how little ones learn, after all.

As kids get older, police suggest these lessons be a constant conversation with your child.  They also say teach them these three rules: 1. Always tell your parents where you are going.  2.What you are doing.  3.Who you are with.

Some families use a secret password in the event mom or dad is really not around (accident, mom in labour) and someone else has to pick up the kids.  Teach the kids that even though Mommy's friend Jane is very nice, she must know the secret family password to take them anywhere.

Role play with your kids.  Creating scenarios with 'strangers' of varying ages and genders may help them see a stranger could be anyone.  Tell your child that if the worst is happening and someone is trying to take them?  To fall to the ground, kick, scream ("This is not my father/mother."), throw rocks/sand/bottles, even bite if necessary.  Tell them it's okay to break things to attract attention.  Your child should make as much noise as possible to alert others to what is going on.  If they are near a parked car, to get under it.  If they are IN an abductor's car, to try and escape at a stop sign/light.  Run at the first opportunity.

Kids that are old enough to stay home alone also need some guidelines such as calling a parent or guardian upon arriving home, locking the door, not having friends over, etc.  They should know what to do in an emergency, have a neighbour to turn to if possible, and know what to do in various situations.

Parent tips:

• do not label your child's clothing or backpack with their name where it is visible;
• always know where your kids are, who they are with and when they will be home;
• carefully note what your child is wearing each day;
• check babysitter's references;
• know who their friends are, where they live, phone numbers;
• always accompany your child to public restrooms;
• always accompany your child to school functions, trick or treating etc.;
• create and keep a child safety kit consisting of:

  • an up-to-date color photograph of your child, at least one for each year (more for younger children)

  • a medical and dental history of your child's blood type, medical problems, scars, broken bones, pulled teeth, braces, glasses, medication, allergies, etc.

  • Have your child finger printed and keep the prints with other pertinent information.

Lastly, on a related note: often times a child abuser knows the family.  Police suggest we don't use the 'good touch bad touch' scenario anymore.  Teach your children that no touch should be a secret, if it feels wrong, it probably is, and to trust their instincts and tell a parent or trusted adult.

Tori's family, and Emma, Tori's very best friend in the world are mourning the loss of this lovely little girl, taken far too soon.  My heart truly goes out to the community of Woodstock. 

I can't emphasize enough to keep talking to your kids about the dangers of child predators.  The chances might be slim on abduction, but there is a whole subculture of people just lying in wait for an opportunity.  Don't give it to them.

This is an original post to Canada Moms Blog. Web Designer Karen Rani Bodkin also blogs at Craftastrophe, "because handmade isn't always pretty."