Me...Who?: Motherhood AND a Career -- TO THINK!

I'm working again. After 4 years of staying home with the kids, I've reentered the workforce.

Granted, I've been working this whole time. I mean, I've imposed a lot of work on myself since I left my cushy job at Scholastic Canada four years ago for eternal mat leave.

I was never able "simply" to stay home with the kids (and, of course, "simply" must be in quotes because everyone knows that staying at home with very young children is anything but simple...). I just had to keep my mind busy. Had to keep plugging away at something, ANYTHING. So, I blogged nightly, and I started an online children's art shop, and I did some freelance writing and editing, and I taught as much yoga as I could with my limited schedule. It's been exhausting, to say the least.... And, I've often wondered, "have I been too tired to be a good mom?" and "have I been present enough for my kids with so much anxiety about my career, my future?"

I remember staying up some nights until 3am when my second child was born, just to keep my foot in the door -- that heavy steel door to the career world, which I've just had to keep ajar no matter how challenging with two small children at my heels. Because whatever will I do when my kids are in school full time? And, frankly, I get bored, restless, and anxious when I'm not totally stressed out and working like a dog....

And isn't that how so many of us were raised? Because, honestly? I wasn't prepared for this motherhood gig. I wasn't raised to stay home and tend to the every want and need of my children. No. I was raised to excel! To be successful! To be passionate! To work hard! To work work! I definitely wasn't prepared for all this devoting entire self to others and playing. PLAYING. As much as I adore my children, I go insane playing -- do-dee-do-dee-do -- with the dollhouse for 3 hours.... And CRAFTS, omigosh, CRAFTS? There ARE LIMITS to my sanity!

Of course, I do the crafts, even though I'm not always thrilled about it, and I play tea party and drag my arse outside to play ball, or hockey (me? hockey?), or to walk to the -- ugh -- to the park.... Sighhh, and I could totally be sitting on my arse chatting with my twitter buddies....*COUGH.* There's always that lure as a stay-at-home mom. You have to push yourself to stay present and engage and keep the children BU-SY and HAP-PY.

But, a few weeks ago, my attitude and everything changed for the better. I got a part-time job. A job with, like, people -- ADULT PEOPLE -- and with, like, a downtown office to go to, and conference calls and my own voice mailbox and team lunches -- and a paycheck. For the first time in a long time, my occupational "dabbling" is bringing in a steady paycheck. A much-needed paycheck....

I can now treat my children to programs again (and with my OWN hard-earned money). I can buy my daughter that knickknack she wanted, and brand new shoes for her brother -- whose been getting his cousin's hand-me-downs since birth. I have a nanny three mornings a week who's fabulous with my children. My house is CLEAN.

And me. I'm a happier person. More fulfilled, more relaxed, creative and energized. My mind's too BU-SY to criticize or second guess myself as a mom....

For so many reasons my whole family's happier now that I've officially re-entered the workforce -- because, as they say, "when moms happy, everyone's happy." I feel so fortunate to get the best of both worlds: I have that career I was craving AND the freedom to be home with my children. I'm now the passionate, enthusiastic individual I've always been, AND I get to pick up my kids from school, and tie their shoelaces and spend now-more-coveted afternoons with them playing hockey and dollhouse and trains and building blocks (my personal fave), and blowing bubbles in the backyard....

This is the style of motherhood that works for me. It's not for everyone. And people will always judge, will keep on asking "how do you do it?" But, since none of us can fully prepare for the demands of motherhood, the best we can do is figure it out for ourselves as we go.

This is an original post for Canada Moms Blog. You can also find Haley-O on her personal blog Cheaty Monkey, her online art shop Kids Deserve Art: Art and Decor for Kids of All Ages, and chatting it up on the Twitter, when her cheaty little monkeys decide to spare her for 2 minutes!