Back-to-Work Survival

T-minus 24 days until I am back behind a desk for 8.5 hours a day. My maternity leave with my second child is coming to a close and, as incredibly conflicted as I am about that return, it's something I have to do for my family. This time around I have become far more comfortable with the notion of being a stay-at-home-mom. The first time I had maternity leave, I scoffed at the idea of staying home with my children possibly being the most fulfilling job I could do. My patience was is thin, but seeing them flourish and KNOW that it has been my doing is really quite rewarding. Needless to say, this time around, returning to work is a bittersweet pill to swallow. I am craving the adult interaction, yet I LOVE being home. 

I think what's been making this time around even more difficult is that child Number 2 and I have a much tighter bond than Number 1 and I had have seeing as our personalities are so similar. That bond is making it far more challenging to separate from him and allow for someone else to spend more time with my child than I; essentially raising my child. (I went through this "someone else raising my child thing with Number 1 as well and it's mind of diminished seeing as he's now pre-school age.)

I received a call Wednesday notifying me that my infant son's position has come available starting May 1st. May 1st!? That didn't seem so close before but has now begun barreling down on my like a speeding freight train.

Panic is setting in.

I'm not ready.

I don't know if I'll ever be ready, but being ready is not an option because it's happening.

As much as I've been avoiding even thinking about work (seriously, I just emailed my boss about my return this past Monday) I've also been trying to mentally accept the realization that this is my life and it's what I have to do for this family.

Now that I've got about three weeks remaining I have to move full force into work mode to prepare for this. Mundane tasks like: get the crates of books from the basement, dust off the work laptop and complete any system updates required, sift through the work emails which may have gotten through the filter and auto-response (seriously just considering a mass delete), create schedules to develop a daily routine, and OMG! I need to get some clothes to wear to work since I live in the stereotypical jogging pants and comfortable tees.

The more I think about it, the more overwhelming it is. Which means I will be reverting to my safety net - LISTS.

But, you know what I am detesting the most?

Sitting in Toronto's stop-and-go traffic again.

How am I going to get through this?

Samantha posts regularly at her personal site Temporarily Me as well as at Craftastrophe.