Seven and half years ago I become a mother. Exactly three years and twenty days later our
second son followed. Motherhood defines a
large part of me. If someone asks me
what I do, my response always begins with the fact that I work from home so I
can be home with my little boys. Recently
it hit me. My boys, who are soon to be
eight and five years old respectively, are no longer little.
The Robeez
have been replaced by running shoes and soon, my youngest will add a backpack
to the mix and trudge off to school with his big brother. It’s the end of an era; the era in the mommy
trenches, the days of sleep deprivation, changing diapers, feeding, snuggling,
entertaining, potty training (that was fun), and other such activities. The battle is over. I have left the muck and mire of the trenches
behind and I am left with the question, so now what?
Being a mother is something I always knew I wanted to
do. I remember being four years old and playing
pretend, drinking coffee with the other pretend mothers chatting about our
kids. We may also have been smoking
pretend toothpick cigarettes but let’s forget that part, shall we? I just knew I would not be complete without
the title mother behind my name.
I was so lucky to meet my prince charming when I was 19
years old. He is my soul mate and he
wanted kids as much as I did. We felt so
blessed to have our boys and we wanted one of us to be with them when they were
little. Everyone told us how quickly
those years go by; little did we know.
I feel like I blinked and am now facing the end of this stay
at home gig. Not that I am planning on going
back to work out of the home. Not yet
anyway. But the difference is that now I
will be home…alone. I am no longer a
mother to two little boys but a mother to two school aged boys.
It’s weird because I have a career and a job that I
love. I know to some, being an
accountant doesn’t sound that glamourous (Canadian spelling required!) but I
really like working from home. I don’t
want to change jobs. I love both what I
do and the flexibility it allows for my life.
What I am going to miss is spending the days on play dates with fellow
at home moms, going to the library, picnics in the park, meeting for coffee at
the indoor play ground, you know, the things that keep a stay at home mom sane. I am going to look strange as the childless woman
hanging out with other moms and kids. I
just might have to rent a baby.
Soon I will no longer be known as mommy but mom. I remember the first time each of my boys
called me that precious name, Mommy. It
was a milestone of their childhood, the day they replaced the Ma-ma with
Mommy. I loved that day. Will I love the day I become Mom instead of
Mommy? Somehow I think it is going to be
more gradual than the Ma-ma to mommy thing.
Either way it’s definitely another milestone.
I won’t stop being a mother, that’s a life long privilege
but my role is changing, and I am not sure I am ready for it. But I wasn’t ready to be a mother that day in
June 2001 when I went into the OR for a planned C-Section either. Somehow I have kept them both alive, with enormous
amounts of help from their Daddy.
Miracles never cease.
Things are changing. The
mommy part of me is morphing into a different phase. I need
to redefine myself. I just don’t know
how to do it. So I have taken up running
because I need something to focus on. I
figure if I can handle the mommy trenches, I can tackle a half marathon. It’s got to be better than taking up drinking.
Original post to Canada Moms Blog. Kami also randomly rants about early onset menopause, among other things at Kami's Khlopchyk
